Allow me to introduce myself, I am a 29-year-old single mother of a 3-year-old girl and we are survivors of Domestic Violence. My abuse begun when I was about seven months pregnant and it continued until my daughter turned 1.
I suffered verbal abuse, emotional, financial and physical abuse, which in the end left me traumatized and scarred for a long time. My fear of confrontation kept me away from direct contact with people. Anyone that was bigger and louder made it worse. Having my body violated in so many ways and so many times, caused me to develop a low self esteem, I avoided individuals of the opposite sex, my head hung low all the time.
Now stressed out, depressed, always crying, I prayed for the nightmare to end. My weight went from 120 to 95 pounds, my collarbone protruding. I was always tired and felt weak in my body. What was I to do? My mother asked me one day if I had begun abusing drugs. Despite everything else that I had already endured her question hurt the most.
My last physical incident would soon come. What started as an argument ended with me losing consciousness. The last detail I remember was him saying “I own you, I signed for you, you will never leave me”.
This made no sense to me, I pleaded for him stop. I asked him to think about our daughter and what was going to happen to her if I’ll be dead and him in jail?
His response was, that would be for me to think about. What I felt next was what felt like me swallowing someone else’s hand. He pressed so hard on my throat I lost my breath.
From that day forward, my daughter and I became homeless, a blessing in disguise. Becoming homeless by all means was traumatizing within itself, but had I not been homeless I would not have received the services that did. I would not be where I am now both physically and mentally.
HarborCOV, Harbor Community Overcoming Violence, provided the services and support that played a major role in my recovery. Project SAFE, a collaboration between HarborCOV, Homes for Families and IMPACT provided even more.
After experiencing an IMPACT class, I felt revived, confident, almost proud; how is it a self defense class can create such change in me? My explanation was because they made it about me. I felt like the classes were designed around my needs to help me build on my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. IMPACT taught me what is and is not a safe distance, de-escalation, and skills that would then enable me to ask for what I needed and get it.
After experiencing IMPACT I felt extremely motivated and confident. Finally I felt like I was in control of my life. No longer did walk with my head hung low, I began to ride the train without looking over my shoulder or being upset that someone is close to me. I could bravely answer the telephone and be in full control of the conversation. I live my life no longer in fear and in hiding.
All seemed well as I had found my footing and was well on my way to a healthier living. Then came the flashbacks, and due to these flashbacks I was being triggered. Incidents occurred where I was in that place again, confrontation, fighting, the sound of his voice the way he smelled even his face. I would close my eyes and feel that someone was standing over me, or awaken in intense fear that someone was in my home. Slowly becoming dysfunctional. Sleep deprivation, PTSD, depression were constant. I was in school, working and managing a 3-year-old.
Once more I reached out to IMPACT and signed up for their new course for abuse survivors that combines self-defense with relaxation exercises from Tai Chi. The class helped me take care of myself in the moment and helped me to process in a healthy way. How do I take care of myself after a flashback? I now know when I’m having a flashback, I take deep breaths, look for familiar object to remind myself of where I am, I feel for the ground beneath me, I somehow remember to wriggle my fingers an toes. Finally I now fully understand the importance of using my voice. When I advocate for my needs or to help someone. When asking for help or to simply say NO. I speak with confidence using my voice gives me comfort and strength.
I am a survivor of Domestic Violence and yes, I have experienced trauma. I am no longer homeless. I am now a continuing college student, a full time mom and am employed by a local domestic violence organization.
My darkest fears have now become my blessing.
