IMPACT Boston blog

A woman Defends Herself Successfully, but News Reports Focus much more on the Attack

Yesterday morning, a woman walking her dog around Jamaica Pond successfully defended herself by using her voice and shining a flashlight in the would-be assailant's face. In response to her actions, the assailant fled, but not before she got a physical description, which she gave to the police.

 

This is clearly a story of self-defense, but all the news coverage I've seen of the event highlights the assault perpetrated against her with much less focus on the steps she took to protect herself and prevent serious injury.

 

From the Jamaica Plain Gazette to CBS local news to New England Cable News, the headlines have universally read, "Woman Attacked" with no mention of what she did in response. The New England Cable News Piece even includes a Jamaica Plain resident declaring that she will think twice before going anywhere alone. It concerns me when fear of violence causes people to limit their lives unnecessarily.

 

Sources ranging from IMPACT graduate success stories to the National Crime Victimization Survey consistently show that forceful physical and verbal resistance are effective at stopping attempted physical and sexual assaults. Yet stories of effective self-protective action are so often buried in media reports, as they are in the news coverage of this event.

 

Here at IMPACT we continue working to change the conversation about self-defense until people understand that protecting ourselves from attempted assaults is possible, effective, and common.

 

Meg Stone

Director  

Your Gift Helps IMPACT Create the Opposite of the Events at Penn State

Are you as distressed as I am about the events at Penn State?

It’s hard not to be when we hear not only about widespread abuse but also about people in leadership who witnessed acts of violence and did nothing to stop them.  

Instead of losing hope, I invite you to imagine the opposite of what happened at Penn State, Syracuse University, in group homes for people with disabilities in New York State and countless other places that haven’t made the news.

Seeing what it takes to cover up an act of abuse tells us just as much about what it takes to prevent it. There’s no easy answer to what that is but here are some important characteristics of safe and healthy communities: 

• Children and teens have the skills to protect their safety and the full support of adults when they speak up about potentially violent situations.

 

• Those responsible for the care and support of children and people with disabilities have the skills and confidence to interrupt acts of abuse.

 

• Leaders fulfill their commitment to safety, even when that commitment requires them to take painful steps remove individuals who perpetrate from the organizations they serve. 

 

At IMPACT we don’t just imagine this. We create it every day. 

Every year we give nearly 2,000 people the tools they need to interrupt an act of violence. This year we launched IMPACT:Ability, a program that empowers people with disabilities and the organizations that serve them to prevent abuse.

Your generous support makes this possible. Whether your gift is $10 or $10,000, you play a crucial role in creating safety, healing and change. From all of us at IMPACT I wish you a safe and peaceful start to 2012.

Sincerely,

Meg Stone

Click here to make a secure, tax-deductible donation to IMPACT.

CALL YOUR MASSACHUSETTS REPRESENTATIVE: Help Keep IMPACT in Homeless Parents' Lives

HELP SAVE PROJECT SAFE!

For the last five years IMPACT has collaborated with HarborCOV and Homes for Families on an innovative program that gives homeless parents the tools to advocate for themselves in situations critical to their safety and stability.

  

Project SAFE trainers go into family homeless shelters and teach residents how to de-escalate conflicts, protect their physical safety, increase their economic literacy and tell their stories to elected officials. Project SAFE graduates are eligible for paid internships, and even in these difficult economic times, 80% of internship graduates are either employed or in school full time.

  

In the current financial climate, the Legislature is proposing budget cuts that could result in the elimination of these vital services.

 

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Representative Aaron Michelwitz sponsored Amendment #317 that would restore funding for Project SAFE.

  

Call his office at 617-722-2400 to thank him for his support.

  

Call or Email Your State Representative and ask him or her to support Amendment #317.

  

Click here to find contact information if you know your Representative.

  

Don't know your representative? Click here.

  

Guest Blog from Alena Schaim, IMPACT New Mexico

Self-Sufficiency

 

The advice I got growing up about safety was to stay in groups and if anything happens, go to the nearest store for help.

 

This spring has brought out the hiker in me – and that hiker is at odds with the advice I received growing up.  I love to hike alone, and there clearly are no convenience stores nearby.  Since numerous students in our classes ask to prepare for the “hiking alone” scenario, it seems that many feel that hiking is taking a great risk.

 

But as I pass pleasant, quiet men and women walking alone with their happy-go-lucky dogs, I’ve been wondering why we were told to take precautions instead of go enjoy our alone time. 

 

Somehow, we have been taught that the unknown attendant in the gas station is better prepared to deal with the situation we’re facing than we ourselves are.  In truth, he probably has nothing more going for him than having access to a phone to call the police.

 

Who -really- is better able to defend me, than me? After all, others may not have any skills we do not have or cannot get.  Certainly, receiving help is wonderful and speaks well of the community around us – but there is no good reason to not become experts about our own safety.  There is no reason to not feel self-sufficient. 

 

Experts are available for two important reasons: things we cannot handle on our own, or to teach us how to handle things better for ourselves.  The more we use experts to teach us to be self-reliant, the fewer situations we will experience where we need an expert’s help for things we cannot handle.  Good safety experts don’t tell you what precautions to take; they empower you to be in charge of your own safety.

Guest Blog from IMPACT Chicago

Awareness and Assertiveness

Reposted from the IMPACT Chicago Blog: impactchicago.blogspot.com.

It was Saturday night around midnight and a friend had just dropped me off at my house.
I live in a corner coach house so there’s only one way to get into my house, through
a locked gate into the yard (my front yard/the three flat’s back yard). As I heard my
friend’s car take off, I turned the knob on the gate and as soon as I opened it a guy
stumbled out from between the three flat and the next door neighbor’s fence. I stayed
outside, lowered my voice a bit and said “Who are you?” He replied “a friend of Paula’s”
and walked right past me out the gate. I quickly locked the gate behind me, ran into
my house and locked the door. I hadn’t really thought too much of him or even paid
attention to where he went because Paula is one of my neighbors who lives in the three
flat. As I thought about it I realized that he popped out of a spot where he must have
hopped a fence and he must have been peeking into Paula’s window at the side of her
apartment.

I let Paula know about the incident the next day and she immediately came over to talk
about it. No one had contacted her the night before or knocked on her door and she
was home around that time. She had an idea of who it might be but I wasn’t very helpful
when she later brought a picture to me. I emailed the rest of the condo association to be
alert, keep the gates locked, and to let Paula know if they see anyone suspicious.

Thankfully this was not more than, what seemed like, a drunk intruder who was pretty
easy to get rid of, but thanks to my IMPACT training, I was able to stand my ground and
use my verbal boundary setting skills. Now, more than ever, I’m making sure to scan the
premises whenever I walk in and I make sure to ask people who are dropping me off to
wait until I get in and turn on the lights.

Colleen Norton,
IMPACT graduate
Publicity Committee

It's Never Too Early to Learn Boundary Setting

Success Story from Heidi Hornbacher Cavagna (and her 2-year old friend) at IMPACT Los Angeles

I recently returned from a trip to Florida to visit a dear friend and her two-year old. One morning I went with them to her mommy-and-me type of pre-preschool. I'd been told the school focused on positive reinforcement and didn't believe in using words like 'NO'. I hoped I'd be able to bite my tongue in case of bad behavior.
 

At one point my friend's daughter was sitting playing with a toy when a little boy came over and shoved her. I snapped to attention waiting for an adult to intervene as he shoved again. None did as I was the only one watching the two of them at that moment. My friend's daughter stood up and he shoved her again. She made a little whine noise and I was about to step in with a nice "NO" for the boy - rules be damned! - when he shoved her one more time.
 

"Stop it!" she told him in no uncertain terms. "I don't like that."
 

And he did! I was so proud of her for standing up for herself and setting a boundary. I was so thrilled that she got to see her boundary work as intended. What a great lesson! I teared up and told my friend how awesome her baby girl is.
 

It's never too early to start setting good boundaries and to believe that you have the right to do so.

 

When Violence is Perpetrated By People You Know

 

No discussion of safety skills is complete without acknowledging the hard reality that most women and girls experience violence at the hands of people they know, often people close to them. This usually takes the form of physical and emotional abuse perpetrated by a dating partner or sexual assault perpetrated by a familiar person. These situations can be harder to face than violence perpetrated by strangers, but at the same time it is important to remember that there are effective strategies.

We are powerful. There are things we can do.

Someone else’s desire to hurt us doesn’t have to take away our power or our choices. We have the ability to assess situations and make judgments that are best for us.

What happens when you ask for something you need or say you don’t like something a person is doing?

If you’re dating someone new or meeting someone for the first time you can learn a lot by paying attention to what the person does when you ask for what you need. Does the person ignore you? Try to talk you out of what you need? Call you names or dismiss you? Or does the person respect you and try to compromise? If someone doesn’t respect your needs over small things (like where to go out to eat, whether to go to a certain party, what time you want to get home, etc.) it’s a good sign that the person could disrespect your needs over bigger things like sex or your safety.   

Change the physical dynamic.

If you don’t feel safe with someone or you’re having a hard conversation, you don’t have to stand right next to the person. Moving away with strong body language can communicate as much as words in some situations. If the person’s arm is around you, it’s OK to move it.

Someone else’s violence and abuse is never your fault.

If something happens it can sometimes help to get support from a caring person who won’t judge or blame you. Most campuses and cities have sexual assault services and 24-hour hotlines that you can call without having to give your name or any other personal information.

Guest Blog from Alena Schaim, IMPACT Personal Safety New Mexico

"Forward this email to every woman you know!..."

 

As a woman and as someone who teaches violence prevention and self-defense, I get a lot of emails about staying safe.  The sentiment of wanting to keep people you love safe is a great one.  However, too often these emails spread disinformation and fear, rather than anything that would realistically help keep someone safe.  So here is a little guide to help people evaluate the emails before they take them to heart and send them on.

 

• Have you checked Snopes.com?  If you are not familiar with it, Snopes is a great website that researches stories that circulate and dispels them if they find them to be urban legends.  Almost all of the emails I’ve gotten (assailants now using older women as lures outside of WalMart, gangs choose their next victims by the good Samaritans that flash their lights at them, etc.) are proven on Snopes to be untruths being spread rampantly on the internet.

 

• How likely is this to be common?  Consider any statistics that you know about violence or go read some, and then consider, for instance: if statistically, most women are assaulted by someone that they know, how likely is it that there is someone hiding, plotting to get in my car unbeknownst to me while I fill up my tank at the gas station?

 

• What, exactly, is it telling you to prepare for?  Does it conflate assault with robbery? A robber is someone who wants things, while an assailant is someone who wants to hurt someone else.  Remember that a suggestion like not carrying a purse, not keeping your wallet in your back pocket, never wearing noticeable jewelry, etc. is about robbery, not assault.  Being specific about what you are preparing for can make you feel less scared and more prepared.

 

• Does it tell you to “never” do something?  I’ve read emails that tell women (typically) to never wear overalls or have long hair or to balance their checkbooks in their cars.  They promise dire consequences to those who ignore these warnings, because *that* is what assailants look for.  Well, no.  Assailants, statistically, look for people who are unaware, people they consider easy to overpower and dominate, or easy to provoke.  Hairstyle has nothing to do with it.  Of course lists are tempting, but lists can encourage you to concentrate on things that may obscure the truer power of what your intuition and own understanding would otherwise guide you to do.  Real life doesn’t happen in absolutes.

 

• Does it ask you to limit your behavior in a way that seems difficult or unrealistic?  Many of these emails and, unfortunately, many safety programs promote changing one’s habits in a way that limits living life.  Certainly I’m not going to walk down a dark alley for the heck of it, but a certain degree of risk (balancing your checkbook for a moment in your car after shopping, going out after 7pm, or hiking alone) is not foolish, foolhardy, or irresponsible – it is, in fact, healthy. 

 

• How does it make you feel?  This, perhaps, is the most important point to me.  Does it actually share things that make you feel safe, feel more powerful in your own skin, feel more able to deal with situations that come up in life?  Or does it tell you that there is danger lurking around every corner in your everyday life that you must try to avoid?  Good safety information should make you feel safer, not more afraid.

Holiday Safety Tips from IMPACT Los Angeles

Check out these holiday tips from our sister organization IMPACT Personal Safety Los Angeles (www.impactpersonalsafety.com).

The holidays can be a wonderful time. All the lights, food, and shopping lists can be distracting and make us easy targets. Here are a few common-sense happy holiday survival tips:

• Think about where your wallet is: don't shoulder through crowds or stop to watch carolers with an open purse.
   
• Don't carry more than you can handle. It's tempting to get it all done in one trip but being an overburdened shopper can make you an easy mark. 

 

• Have a plan of attack for your shopping, then breathe and let it go if things are too nutty when you get to the mall. Stress causes us to lose sight of the larger picture whether it's the meaning of the holiday or the dynamics around us.
   
• Many parties feature flowing alcohol. Have a designated driver and know your limits. Even with mistletoe, it's OK to set boundaries. It can be easier to take on both sides when it's done with respect.
   
• If pressures of gift giving, meal making and holiday visits press your boundaries, remember the Magic Formula: I feel-when you-would you please? Eg. "I feel overwhelmed when you leave your sister's gifts for me to wrap. Would you please wrap them yourself or ask me if I mind helping you next time?" Remember, it works in reverse too: "I feel so lucky to have such a caring brother. You can help me clean up the kitchen anytime!"
   

Give the Gift of Safety this Season

We’re hearing a lot about bullying lately.

Criminal charges against teens who bullied a classmate, suicides attributed to school-based violence and harassment, research that shows bullying affects brain chemistry, and a new state law that increases schools’ responsibility to keep young people safe. 

Every year IMPACT serves between 1000 and 1500 children and teens. Many, like Josh, come to us because they don’t feel safe at school. 

Josh is a 14-year-old boy whose mother found us after chronic bullying left him anxious and depressed. When we first met Josh he didn’t look people in the eye and spoke so softly we could barely hear him. Being in a group of supportive people and learning practical skills changed Josh. He left class with a new self-confidence. His mother called a week later to express her appreciation for the scholarship IMPACT gave their family. “He’s a new boy,” she told us. “I haven’t seen him smile this much in years.”

Giving Josh the tools to stand up for himself is important. So is helping teachers, parents, and student leaders create a school climate that promotes safety and respect.

Our Peer IMPACT program does just that.  According to Elyse, a peer leader at her high school, “IMPACT taught me how to stay calm, communicate directly, and show people I mean what I say. I wouldn’t have had the courage to do something about bullying without it.”

If we teach people from an early age that they can do something about violence we make them less vulnerable. In 2010 we collaborated with 35 schools and youth groups. We also created customized programs for groups that experience disproportionately high rates of bulling: people with disabilities and lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

In 2011 we want to do even more. More to prevent bullying and help young people heal from its devastating effects.  More to help people from all walks of life create personal and social change.

Your generous support makes this possible. Whether your gift is $10 or $10,000, you play a crucial role in creating safety, healing and change. From all of us at IMPACT I wish you a safe and peaceful 2011.

Sincerely,

Meg Stone, Director

Click here to make a secure online donation to IMPACT.